Early Summer

Summer Arts 2009

Well I missed both Summer and Winter Arts fairs in 2008 .. my head space just wasn’t open to much of anything.

Dad’s passing has been a heart drama even though I knew he was going.

This year I mark Summer Arts as the first of many, I hope, revivals of my spirit. It was a warm and (finally) sunny day. So many friends and folks I only see once or twice a year where there. Good connections many.
Especially great to see Joellen who has migrated to Brooklyn, NY for the last years or so.

And so many people I know have lost a parent just recently, friends Sharon, Charlie, and Rob lost their mothers (all with in the past month). And there are more. I guess it is our age, and the ages of our parents, that this is to be. As Charlie said to me, “We are now the old ones..!” I guess I wasn’t really ready to accept that..even though it is true.

I have been back home now since May 21. The first 2 weeks, I was so ‘not grounded here’ at all. It is getting better now. The garden is doing great and I will have some photos soon. Russel only has 2 school classes left until fall, and he leaves for Aikido summer camp next Sunday. I am trying to pull myself ‘out of the funk’ of grief and to enjoy the life we have, but I still wake with lots of anxiety and do wonder why. Also, attempting to ‘reconnect’ and solidify the relationships I have with friends.

When I was in Michigan with Dad and Sue, and all my Dad’s brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins and second cousins, nieces and nephews and friends and neighbors.. it was constant visits … there was hospice and home health care nurses, and people stopping by really one after another all day and evening. There was always someone to do anything Sue needed done.. and there still is.

Family, living close to one another and family being true friends, that is what Dad had there. I have that there as well, but I am here and although I have friends … the ‘net’ doesn’t feel as strong as what I experienced in Michigan. So perhaps that is a bit of my anxiety, the reality of aging, and wondering all of the ‘what ifs?’.